How Older Age Can Allow You to Live Your Authentic Self
“...what you realize is that you go back to your girlhood……” —Jane Fonda
I’m in my mid sixties now (wow!), healthy and live alone with my dog in a very modest house. I bought my home about 25 years ago so, it's affordable. My dog is a great snuggler and also my exercise coach. Most days, we run (or at this point, trot) on trails in the nearby hills.
My neighborhood is largely middle class, pretty racially diverse and therefore, wonderfully stimulating. Technically, I could live here without a car; there’s a park close by, along with other amenities, like a library, cafe, bakery, grocery store, and bus stops.
I’m very friendly with my neighbors—some of whom have become close friends. I’m also friends with my ex-husband, and I have a great relationship with my 25-year-old son and his partner. Over the last few years, I've rented out a downstairs studio apartment to a succession of young women, who need an affordable launch pad amid rising costs in the Bay Area.
I have a fabulously engaging and challenging job. An architect by profession, I now run a nonprofit, At Home With Growing Older, that I co-founded 15 years ago. Our main goal is to help people make simple, yet impactful changes to their homes, which enable them to continue to feel confident at home as they age. Central to our approach is a belief in the power of valuing oneself as we age. To reinforce this, we invite influencers from a range of backgrounds and disciplines to share their experiences and perspectives on growing older.
Understanding how we can adapt our homes to different lifestyles and household configurations throughout the arc of life has been the focus of my architectural work. I’ve found that our homes serve not only as private residences, but also as public spaces. They’re part of the fabric of public life. This reciprocity extends to public spaces, which, in turn, are extensions of our homes. As individuals and as a society, we therefore should create both private and public spaces that are inviting to people of varying abilities and ages.
Not by design but through a combination of good luck and certain life decisions—buying a small home, investing in my relationships, nurturing an endless curiosity, switching professional tracks from banker to architect, moving from my country of origin, Austria to the Bay Area—currently, my life meets all the contributors to healthy aging: social connection, a sense of purpose, an affordable home and movement (both physical and mental).
As long as my body and mind stay reasonably healthy, right now, I’d say, I’m in one of the happiest phases of my life. Even though I know this intellectually, I became aware of the fact emotionally recently, when I listened to an interview with Jane Fonda by Julia Louis Dreyfus (on Women Wiser Than Me). A big reason why I am happy aligns with something the actress said about getting older. ”What you realize is you go back to your girlhood and you become all the things that she was supposed to be that you never knew at the time was really who she was because you were trying to be what other people thought she should be.”
I also agree with her when she says, “I unfortunately don't think that I can totally be myself in a romantic relationship with a man.” With the benefit of having lived and gathered many years of experiences, I now have the luxury of being able to live my authentic self, and I’m grateful for it every day. And as an architect, who’s deeply engaged in the mission of At Home With Growing Older, I reflect on the profound journey of making one's home a lifelong companion.
How can your home resonate with and support your authentic self as you rediscover it in older age? Perhaps it involves transforming your home into a hub for community connections—reimagining the kitchen to make entertaining easier or adding LED lights to stairs to accommodate visitors’ different comfort levels. Alternatively, modifications could revolve around nurturing a love for nature by investing in your garden as a laboratory for experimenting with plant propagation. The goal is not perfection but rather a thoughtful approach that reflects care for both your home and yourself.