From Loneliness to Playfulness
Rediscover life outside the home
I just got a 3-minute reminder on my phone about a performance, with a great internationally renowned singer, that I was really looking forward to. I was standing at my stove, throwing together a dinner, when I got the alert. It was kind of devastating. I had forgotten! And of course, I immediately blamed it on my age.
It would’ve been a great treat to take myself out. I was immersed in writing a grant application but somehow that didn’t seem a legitimate excuse. My home has become the hub for everything I do—from work to entertainment to medical appointments, and yes, I mostly shop online. Sometimes I don't even know where to go to get the simplest item, like garbage bags.
I find I go out much less often. The pull to stay home is so strong. At the same time, I realize that whenever I do go out, something good seems to happen—from running into a friend, who I have not seen in years at the grocery store, to feeling good when I get a smile from the postal clerk.
The loneliness epidemic
Somebody just forwarded me yet another newspaper article about the current loneliness crisis —this one occurring in San Mateo County, California. Tonight’s experience makes me think that taking yourself out at my age, especially in these times, takes real effort, a commitment. A walk to the bakery is no longer a casual thing—you do it with the awareness that it’s not just about buying a scone, it’s about keeping yourself healthy and engaged.
I think we may need to invent new reasons for taking ourselves out; because it’s no longer necessary to leave our homes to live our daily lives, and as my experience tonight demonstrates, I’ve also grown out of the habit.
Artists may offer a remedy
Personally, I believe artists can play a big role in getting us out of the house—from muralists to street artists to our own creative impulses. For instance Laura Nova, a New York City public artist makes art through connecting people. I‘d call her a public animator. She organizes parades, turns people into tree buddies, and uncovers neighborhood histories through residents' storytelling. Most of all, what she does is fun. Having fun, feeling carefree, playful, not worried about overstepping boundaries, creating group experiences-–that’s the antidote to loneliness.
Take yourself out
Having fun can come in different shades and often doesn’t take much effort. The first step is to get out there; though that’s easier said than done. Obstacles abound, like a staircase that feels unsafe because the steps are slippery to a broken sidewalk, which requires sure footing, to simply feeling vulnerable because we don’t know the people we might encounter, or we feel invisible in older age.
Taking a risk
The second step is to take a risk—just do it! Then watch what happens: do you exchange a glance with someone, watch others having fun, hear some birds screeching or music wafting from a nearby house? What a rich experience already. Then you might run into somebody you actually know but had forgotten about; then maybe you take a chance and start a conversation with somebody, who you find attractive—no matter their age, or you ask if you can join a Qigong group that you’ve noticed for a long time in your local park?
Art as public policy
What if we made it even more fun and worthwhile to take ourselves out? What if each neighborhood had something like an artist-animator? City employees, with the simple task of engaging people and having fun in their neighborhood. What if you looked out in the morning and your neighborhood animator invited you to a Spring parade or pulled a cart with giveaway plants from the City, or you found a flier in your mailbox announcing that Friday would be a “slow-street” day because some of your neighbors were organizing line dancing in the street—everyone invited? Would that bring you out of the house? Might you rethink your street as a new venue that served so many more purposes than just an avenue for cars?
So, please, we need artist-animators and artists in residence as public health and city employees, not a ministry of loneliness!
This reminds me of a grocery store that started a "slow" line. Noticing how cashiers and customers sometimes like to exchange pleasantries that, over time, become a kind of friendship, this grocery store decided to identify one line where it was understood that this would happen. They noticed, in particular, that older, perhaps lonely people, really enjoyed these short encounters and wanted to encourage them. What a great way to build community and combat loneliness.